Friday Fun: Men and Women’s Dictionary

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It’s Friday so I thought a little humor would be Fun!  You may or may not have seen this before so I thought I’d share anyways.  My  friend sent me this and I thought some of them were hilarious. 

Men and Women’s Dictionary

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish – 49
Adventurous – Slept with everyone
Athletic – No tits
Average looking – Ugly
Beautiful – Pathological liar
Contagious Smile – Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure – On medication
Feminist – Fat
Free spirit – Junkie
Friendship first – Former very *friendly* person
Fun – Annoying
New Age – Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded – Desperate
Outgoing – Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate – Sloppy drunk
Professional – Bitch
Voluptuous – Very Fat
Large frame – Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate – Stalker

WOMEN’S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay

And finally…..

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

 

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Comments

  1. These are hilarious! Everything sounds true to me!

    [Reply]

    Dee Reply:

    Sam here. I thought it would at least give some a chuckle.

    [Reply]

  2. Those are so funny and pretty darn accurate!

    [Reply]

    Dee Reply:

    haha, I think so too!

    [Reply]

  3. When I was married, we saw a TV show by Dr. Phil or someone that said you should sit down over cottage cheese and discuss your problems.

    Whenever we had something to talk about that was difficult, it was: “Let’s get some cottage cheese and talk.”

    It had the added bonus that neither of us could stand eating cottage cheese… LOL

    [Reply]

  4. LOL!! Yes, when hubby is bored, it means sex. every time. Great list!

    [Reply]

  5. ROFL love it!

    [Reply]

  6. This is so funny :)

    [Reply]

  7. Wow, that is just so accurate. Very funny.

    [Reply]

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